


build me a city in the palm of your hands

by mostlikelydefinentlymad



Series: petal soft grenades (saphael poetry) [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Free Verse, M/M, POV Raphael Santiago, POV Second Person, Raphael has feelings, Saphael, s1 and s2, so I write vamp poetry now, this is what my life amounts to
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-12
Updated: 2017-02-12
Packaged: 2018-09-19 20:52:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9460007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mostlikelydefinentlymad/pseuds/mostlikelydefinentlymad
Summary: 'touch me anywhere,'you growl but the words refuse to come outthey're trapped behind pride, tangled in too much loveit can make a man desperate, amen





	

* * *

 

 **i**.  there's a boy in your arms with freckled constellations on his shoulder blades and cheeks the color of moonlight

and you want to shove him against a wall for it, kiss him awake until he looks alive again

 _build me a city in the palm of your hands,_ you'd say

_I'm going to live there, in between the right and the wrong_

_in between you and the grave, you'll see_

but the dirt around him grows thicker, the lights fade out

and your fingers are an aching bruise

from remembering what it felt like to touch the edge of his skin

* * *

 

 **ii**.  _you're a monster,_ he says and you think, _maybe I am_

'cause there's dirt under his fingernails and blood on his lips and you want to ruin him

you, with your sharp teeth and snarl 

you, erecting empires from the ashes

you, soft heart and broken reflection

never meant for this to happen

but

_you_

 child of the night 

you play masquerade to hide from yourself

is it really a surprise when you fall in love with a shadow of a boy

* * *

 

 **iii**. trivia then, a series of catastrophes in neat lines-

he still flosses his teeth at night: **true**

he does not love you:  **true ~~?~~**

if you could do it over, you'd give him a choice:  **true**

it would hurt like hell:   **true**

he loves spitfire red and runes:  **true**

you hate her for it:  **false ~~true~~**

 when a fiery comet stumbled into your atmosphere-

the fuzzy shape of a human with round glasses coming into focus

you thought-

 _You're going to be my first love:_   **true**

he will be the one to break you: **true**

 you will not see it coming:  **true**

* * *

 

 **iv**. here's the fire and there's the match 

the room you never emptied and his wrinkled t-shirt

_the universe in reverse_

 bring me the world on a spoon, amber eyes and blooming pupils

the explosion unraveled 

_rewind_

here is where I loved you

_rewind_

the shallow grave where you buried it

_pause_

judas' betrayal in a gilded frame 

_stop_

... 

 I wanted you to 

 _s t a y_   

* * *

**S2**

* 

 **v**. a darkened building, two shadows and fingers digging into a shoulder bone

the crickets chirp a sweet song and the cement floor becomes a holding place

you, biting back sharp teeth

pretending you've never known the taste of his blood

he with fear in his eyes and sickly pale skin

smells of dog and cinnamon, sweet caramel under the skin 

and the flow of him is thrumming in your veins, leftover from a lifetime ago

the tongue refuses to forget, the heart beats his name like it never died

_touch me anywhere_

you growl but the words refuse to come out

they're trapped behind pride, tangled in too much love

it can make a man desperate, amen 

still you circle the beautiful boy like an oasis you cannot baptize yourself in

and leave feeling like something

_someone_

has been ripped from your arms

* * *

  

 **vi**. he becomes cathedral ceilings and rosary beads

a holy place to wrap your hands around

a chainlink fence, a wall-

imagine it: the throbbing vein in his neck

water to wine, wine to blood

the ending is the revelation

_(you feel the separation - the eyes watching you walk away)_

now: a locked chapel with a no vacancy sign

you hurt him with empty threats

_you shouldn't let your mother roam the streets, alone in the dark_

with hissing

_if you'd lifted one finger in finding camille_

and he believes every word

this is not how it was supposed to go 

* * *

 

 **vii**. _I'm starving_ , he says 

this is the part where you calmly growl (throat tired from waking up and shouting his name; reliving the hurt) and he throws his hands up

both trying to breathe through the roar of lingering heartbreak

of a nameless feeling

_you're home for what two days-_

_(I waited by the phone- I cannot sleep without you)_

of a hopeless ending where the villain never gets the girl

_you didn't bring what I needed, like you were supposed to_

and slowly wastes away, malnourished

_(I brought myself, am I enough for you yet?)_

instead-

your hand finds his arm and god, you think, 

i've never felt such hunger

_(the taste of love and sin - I loved you)_

you lean in, a split second of fangs and craving

and he closes his eyes

the smell of fresh oranges and strawberry shampoo

_i'm starving_

nothing this easy could be right

a ten second exchange, a flicker

he turns, confused and wanting

_i'm starving_

walking away is the hardest part

_what?_

hunger for me harder 

but not tonight 

* * *

 

  **viii**. there's a boy in your arms with freckled constellations on his shoulder blades

red smeared on his neck and jaw like watercolor paint

you kiss him awake with the stars, whisper a silent prayer to the moon

for keeping him

_te amo, te amo demasiado_

I love you 

I love you

too much 

*

_raphael-_

_i missed you like sunlight_

_i love you_

_(bite)_

_i love you_

_(taste)_

_i'm sorry_

_(drink him in)_

* * *

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> come cry with me about these two stubborn boys who refuse to use their words aka the oblivious baby vamp and his soft bf:  
> https://woodenhallslikecaskets.tumblr.com/


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